The Wonder Years
Owing to changes to the childminder’s days of operation in addition to our growing concern regarding locality of friendships, Pip moved to a local nursery school with a larger outdoor space. Despite being confident and happy when leaving the house and arriving at nursery, upon entering the room at drop offs Pip would be hesitant, clinging onto doorframes and would need a great deal of encouragement by distraction or personalisation of an activity to assist him inside.
Pip continued to display unusual behavioural traits with aggressive tendencies which we as parents and the nursery initially attributed to the lack of routine in the free-flow setting. A visual timetable of the day and PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) cards were presented to Pip, however each week further reports of non-compliance, unusual behaviour traits and aggressive outbursts continued. The phone calls requesting I collect him early started and often I had to rely on my mother (Nana) to collect due to my long commute and work commitments. The Speech and Language team was consulted and Pip was observed to have mild-moderate speech and language delay and received a couple of speech and language sessions. In addition expert advice from the Behavioural Services was sought to help support Pip, ourselves and the nursery school staff.
We consented to the support and strategies in order to be seen to be following “the system” and to tick all the boxes. As time went by we wondered about the effectiveness of such strategies and became increasingly frustrated at others’ lack of understanding and refusal to acknowledge that Pip’s behaviours were a form of communication. All the strategies being employed revolved around sanctions and rewards which further heightened Pip. We continued to question and ask for clarification as to what events had occurred before, during and after incidents. We were often informed he was “trying to control situations”, “just being naughty”, “goading” and “attention seeking”. It was not until we requested to watch the CCTV footage of incidents that our voices started to be heard. The triggers could easily be identified and the strategies being used were often seen to be exacerbating reactions as opposed to de-escalating or indeed avoiding the situation.
After two years of raising concerns, at the age of four, Pip was finally referred to a paediatrician for further consultation and a developmental assessment. A diagnosis of a “tall boy” who had “parents with high expectations” was confirmed. We were invited to return in two years to rule out ADHD. We were flabbergasted and confused. We were lost and alone. We left the consultation with more questions than explanations and unfortunately without such explanations to help understand his behaviours, Pip was asked to leave nursery. Following further episodes of physical aggression against staff members and children it was agreed that Pip would benefit from a larger setting with more outdoor space. With only three months to go until he started primary school this was not the most comfortable decision we had made, yet this was the only move left to avoid exclusion from nursery.
Perfectly Imperfect Peg 